It feels weird thinking about how the last 3 years of my life were a complete mistake. At the same time it feels good knowing I fixed my future by deciding to kick her out of my life for good. Life is being so good to me; everyday is better than the last. It seems like everyday something or someone new comes into my life to add to my happiness. My happiness is truly unlimited.


I had forgotten what it was like to play the field again. I forgot this thrill of talking to many girls at once and having so many options to choose from. There are two girls in particular that I am very interested in. I talk to these girls daily as well as see them almost everyday. Narrowing this down even further; this one girl really catches my attention. This girl is funny, beautiful, smart, creative, and can handle herself well. She is perfect! She is so much like me in terms of smarts and sense of humor. I can actually have an intelligent conversation with her without getting frustrated because I have to repeat things or explain them like I did with the dummy I was with. This girl is going places! Her average is just as high as mine and she got a full scholarship to a very popular and difficult college to get into. I plan on going out with her again sometime by the end of the week.

Work has been great as well. I've been working so much. I also get along with everyone I work with. Going to work honestly feels like going to hangout with some friends. I love seeing them and they always express how much they love seeing/working with me. We all get along so well that I go visit them during their entire shifts. Some of the girls even visit me for some of my 7 hour shifts. Besides co-workers coming to visit me, a lot of the girls I talk to come to visit me as well. That's probably the best because we just go around the store doing stupid stuff. Work is a blessing.

To sum everything up, life is great! Dumping that girl is the best thing to ever happen to me. I am a free person and can do whatever I want. Also, from what I've heard, my ex's life is going way downhill because of her poor judgement, decisions, and friends. OH WELL! That thing is no longer my problem! I am going to continue to excel and be happy.

A lot has happened since my last post. I didn't really find the time to write anything because I was busy turning things around for myself. On February 22nd, I found out Emily really did cheat on me. I tricked her into revealing the truth to me. I think it's pretty clear what happened after I found out, but I will explain it anyway.

I still had the gut feeling that she was hiding something from me and that it was possible that her story about Leon was true. So I downloaded a texting app and sent messages to her pretending to be Leon. Then I sent messages to myself, still pretending to be Leon, and confronted her about them. She folded and told me everything. Obviously, I do not believe she told me everything because she still wanted a relationship with me. I talked to her for 2 days after she revealed the truth to me because I wanted to see her beg for my forgiveness. She sounded so delusional when I told her it was over for good this time; she kept saying things like, "Think of our kids", "Think of our future", "You know you love me, don't say that you don't", and "No, we aren't 'over'". I don't know why she thought she had a chance of getting my forgiveness. Since then I have not spoken to her once; I blocked her number. I have been so happy since we stopped talking. It is beyond clear that she was holding me back in life. She did nothing but try to keep me away from my friends and always made me feel like I was a terrible person. Now I see how wrong she was for me, not to mention she's a little messed up in the head.

Life has been good to me since the break up. I've been going out a lot with all of my friends, work is pleasant for me, and I met a new girl. I really could not ask for better. If only I would have found it in me to leave her sooner... With the way things are going, life is only going to get better. I am so optimistic about life now. I am going to take my past as a learning experience so I never make the same mistakes again. I am unstoppable! ​

​My relationship with Emily is perhaps one of the most dysfunctional relationships you will ever see! Sure, every relationship has its ups and downs, but this one is absurd. Last night, Emily chose to dump me for the 5th time in exactly one month. She tried to take it back after she said it, but I wouldn’t allow it. I even told her why: she can’t feel like she can dump me whenever she wants and then expect me to come back to her when she feels like loving me. In addition, the part she isn’t aware of, I have decided that I am going to do what she did to me.

When she dumped me last month, she blocked my number and had hers changed! She would only contact me through email so that I could not have her new number. She even gave me a story about how her phone is “spazzing” and that’s why we have to talk through email. She couldn’t even find it in her to tell me that she changed her number; I had to find that out a few weeks later. I’m not going to go that far…Mainly because it’s too much work. What I am going to do is drag it out and make her feel as if I’m seriously done with our relationship, as she did to me. On top of that, I’m going to sit back and enjoy watching her try to convince me of how much she loves me and that our relationship is “forever”, the same way she sat back and watched me do that. I really don’t want to be this cruel, but she needs to understand what she put me through.


So far, she hasn’t messaged me since last night despite her last message, “Goodnight. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”  In all honesty, I really don’t care if she messages me or not; less headache for me! Maybe she’s expecting me to come crawling back to her… Well if that is the case- she is beyond mistaken! It is her turn to come crawling back to me, begging for forgiveness. I’m still undecided on whether or not I’ll take her back if she does beg for forgiveness. I guess I’ll know for sure when she finally realizes that I’m not coming to her and that she has to come to me.

​Recently, I've been having a lot of trouble with my girlfriend. For identity purposes, I'll refer to her as "Emily" throughout this post. My heart has been thrown around in many different directions since the 15th of last month. More specifically, with the way things were playing out, I couldn't tell what was true and what were lies. I was put in a very tough position; trust my gut feelings or believe the things Emily was saying to me.

Here is a little background information. We met in 2013 and have been together since. Since day one, we established our relationship on the foundation of trust and honesty. To us, a pinky promise was sacred; if you made a pinky promise, it was the absolute truth. A swear, well that was considered to be the honest truth coming from God himself. So let's fast-forward to about May 2014. Emily and I were hanging out and I noticed she had a snap-chat message from about 3am. Obviously I was curious and went to open it. Emily got all defensive and wrestled me for her phone so I couldn't open it. Eventually, I had opened it and it was a video from a guy vaping. When I asked her who it was, she said she didn't know because that was her cousin's account (her cousin is a female). I then asked her why she got so offensive and she said it was because that snap-chat was supposed to be of her cousin in a bikini. I wasn't buying it. So for the next few weeks I pressed her and interrogated her to get the truth. She swore, cried, promised, and swore that she was telling the truth. She had even gotten her friend to lie to me about the situation. Fast-forward to December 2014. I did some asking around and tricked her friend into revealing the truth the me. I confronted Emily with my new found knowledge and she admitted the truth, or at least the parts I knew. She said it was a random guy who sent her a snap-chat message first and continued to converse via Snapchat. According to her, nothing unfaithful took place. I still have trouble believing that, but I have no proof. The point of the story is that she lied, and made empty promises and swears. She even squeezed out some fake tears to try to convince me. The trust from there was damaged.

Now we’re up to January 2016. I noticed Emily was on Tumblr at 3am on multiple occasions. I found it surprising considering she told me that her mom takes her phone and laptop at night. I asked her about it and she swore her mom does take her stuff at night and that she was not on Tumblr at 3am. To try and sell me her story, she said, “Shit, I can’t even prove to you that I didn’t… there are no timestamps.” Little did she know, there are timestamps. The next day I took screenshots of her posts with the timestamps and sent them to her. She then folded and told me the truth. Here is where it gets really interesting… she sends me this message:

“I was talking to a guy named Leon from Wisconsin since a couple weeks ago. He's like you. He's mad at me and wants to expose me for the "how" I am. He has your number after he tricked me. He was helping me through our breakup. He said maybe blocking your number would be best. He told me to show me doing it. He screenshot your number as I did it. Obvi your number isn't blocked anymore. He is going to contact you to try to "expose me" he wants it to go through my parents as well. He's going to try to be your friend and ruin me.”

I was heartbroken. I could not believe this was happening. Never mind the fact that it was 10am and I was in school during all of this. I couldn’t believe it; I was in a state of denial and went back and forth with her all day about this. I kept saying things like, “This isn’t true” and “Please tell me this is a joke...who is in on this with you”. 12 hours later she tells me, “You’re right. It isn’t true.” She told me she made it all up so that I’d hate her and break up with her. Even after saying that, she dumped me. All that pain and all those mixed emotions, and she dumps me anyway.


Fast forward to the present and we are back together. Everything is currently okay; we are working on ourselves and supporting each other. We discussed things and got to the sources of our problems. Keeping those in mind, we are trying to get over them and have a happy/healthy relationship. My main issue to work on is that I do not express my love to her enough; the feelings are there, but I just don’t express them enough. Another issue is that I need to allow her to gain my trust back. Undoubtedly, this is going to take some time. For now we will take things day by day until everything perfect! I will try my best to give updates as frequently as I can.

Earlier today, I went with my mother and little sister to the pediatrician because my little sister was due for a physical examination. My sister’s pediatrician also sees me, but I did not have an appointment today. This doctor takes blood in his office the same day as the physical for the convenience of the patient. My mother loves this, but I, myself, despise it. I HATE blood tests! Don’t get me wrong, I am okay with needles; it’s the concept of one going directly into my vein that bothers me. I was anxious to go to the doctor’s office even though I didn’t have an appointment; I was only going so I could shop at the mall with them afterward.

 Any thought of my doctor’s office gets me anxious about blood tests because I associate the office with blood tests. On the way there my mother tells me that his, the doctor’s, office is under construction and he is currently working out of another doctor’s office. Now I’m feeling even more anxious, probably more anxious then my sister was, and she was the one getting the needles! I had to sit in the waiting room of this office I’ve never been to before, by myself, while I waited for my sister to be done. I sat there for about 40 minutes, doing nothing other than visualize myself getting a needle jammed in my vein. I was worrying myself crazy over something that wasn’t even going to happen and ruined my own day with anxiety.

When my sister came out I was so happy that we would finally be able to leave and escape that toxic atmosphere. We were at the desk, my mother paying for the visit, when I noticed something strange: a skeleton of a bird (plastic), a rubber band around its neck, with a paper taped to it that read, “I smoked.” At first I’m thinking Why this statement for a skeleton of a bird? Then I remembered that there is always a living bird in the doctor’s office. I look behind me into another room and there I see my doctor’s bird, standing on top of its cage as usual in the old office! I then realized that it was the doctor’s way of saying, “If my bird smoked, this would be the result of it.” It was his analogy to say that smoking kills. It was strange, but clever. That got my mind off of the blood tests long enough to relieve me of my needle anxiety, and it put a smile on my face!