Time and Effort

​Recently, I've been having a lot of trouble with my girlfriend. For identity purposes, I'll refer to her as "Emily" throughout this post. My heart has been thrown around in many different directions since the 15th of last month. More specifically, with the way things were playing out, I couldn't tell what was true and what were lies. I was put in a very tough position; trust my gut feelings or believe the things Emily was saying to me.

Here is a little background information. We met in 2013 and have been together since. Since day one, we established our relationship on the foundation of trust and honesty. To us, a pinky promise was sacred; if you made a pinky promise, it was the absolute truth. A swear, well that was considered to be the honest truth coming from God himself. So let's fast-forward to about May 2014. Emily and I were hanging out and I noticed she had a snap-chat message from about 3am. Obviously I was curious and went to open it. Emily got all defensive and wrestled me for her phone so I couldn't open it. Eventually, I had opened it and it was a video from a guy vaping. When I asked her who it was, she said she didn't know because that was her cousin's account (her cousin is a female). I then asked her why she got so offensive and she said it was because that snap-chat was supposed to be of her cousin in a bikini. I wasn't buying it. So for the next few weeks I pressed her and interrogated her to get the truth. She swore, cried, promised, and swore that she was telling the truth. She had even gotten her friend to lie to me about the situation. Fast-forward to December 2014. I did some asking around and tricked her friend into revealing the truth the me. I confronted Emily with my new found knowledge and she admitted the truth, or at least the parts I knew. She said it was a random guy who sent her a snap-chat message first and continued to converse via Snapchat. According to her, nothing unfaithful took place. I still have trouble believing that, but I have no proof. The point of the story is that she lied, and made empty promises and swears. She even squeezed out some fake tears to try to convince me. The trust from there was damaged.

Now we’re up to January 2016. I noticed Emily was on Tumblr at 3am on multiple occasions. I found it surprising considering she told me that her mom takes her phone and laptop at night. I asked her about it and she swore her mom does take her stuff at night and that she was not on Tumblr at 3am. To try and sell me her story, she said, “Shit, I can’t even prove to you that I didn’t… there are no timestamps.” Little did she know, there are timestamps. The next day I took screenshots of her posts with the timestamps and sent them to her. She then folded and told me the truth. Here is where it gets really interesting… she sends me this message:

“I was talking to a guy named Leon from Wisconsin since a couple weeks ago. He's like you. He's mad at me and wants to expose me for the "how" I am. He has your number after he tricked me. He was helping me through our breakup. He said maybe blocking your number would be best. He told me to show me doing it. He screenshot your number as I did it. Obvi your number isn't blocked anymore. He is going to contact you to try to "expose me" he wants it to go through my parents as well. He's going to try to be your friend and ruin me.”

I was heartbroken. I could not believe this was happening. Never mind the fact that it was 10am and I was in school during all of this. I couldn’t believe it; I was in a state of denial and went back and forth with her all day about this. I kept saying things like, “This isn’t true” and “Please tell me this is a joke...who is in on this with you”. 12 hours later she tells me, “You’re right. It isn’t true.” She told me she made it all up so that I’d hate her and break up with her. Even after saying that, she dumped me. All that pain and all those mixed emotions, and she dumps me anyway.


Fast forward to the present and we are back together. Everything is currently okay; we are working on ourselves and supporting each other. We discussed things and got to the sources of our problems. Keeping those in mind, we are trying to get over them and have a happy/healthy relationship. My main issue to work on is that I do not express my love to her enough; the feelings are there, but I just don’t express them enough. Another issue is that I need to allow her to gain my trust back. Undoubtedly, this is going to take some time. For now we will take things day by day until everything perfect! I will try my best to give updates as frequently as I can.